Assuming I Couldn’t Wrong Words

(Being a Canada Dry mistranslation of Spike Milligan’s If I Could Write)

Your head! when all around you watch
Bonnie Tyler doing the best she could
to form letters, words, symbols, words
that found pleasant frondescence anonymously falling
to a large tract of land covered with real wooden floors;
which thing or which particular one of many
pyres for Guy my correspondence would create

no kind of doubt in yourself despite all others a long time canned
laughing the smallest element that can be uttered- hydrogen,
twice, and oxygen; Youtube would-be robber struck by bus
experiencing respiratory impairment from submersion
when I was your man I, Edward Said, not a man I’ve heard talk,
but an important man that did exist and has nothing to with that
I love you.

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